Sunday, October 11, 2015

National Coming Out Day

I just posted this on my Facebook page, and I thought it was worthy of pasting here.  I've also got a few real blog posts rolling around in my head, and I'll get around to them eventually.

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It's National Coming Out Day.
To everyone who can't be out, regardless of the subject of your closet, for whatever reason, I hope that your silence is not always necessary. I hope that we can create a world where it is safe to be you. To those of you who can be out, please do so. Your outness helps create that safer world for people who cannot be out now.

Lest I be a hypocrite, I'm going to tell my tale now. To my entire friend list. If you don't want to hear it, feel free to unfriend me before continuing further. My stories are for people who care about *me* and not just their own ideas of who I should be, and I'm tired of censoring myself.

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I've never been entirely straight. My first crush was on a girl, so I never really had the option of pretending to myself that I was straight. I identified as bi for a bunch of years, and I was somewhat involved in queer community throughout my teen years. If you've met me in the past decade or so, though, you would likely have no idea, because it wasn't a thing I talked openly about much. And if you're family, well, I never really talked about any of this with anyone I'm related to.

In my mid-20s, I started to feel like I was an impostor. My long-term serious relationships had all been with men, and I hadn't felt Feelings for a woman in a while, so I stopped identifying as bi. I never entirely felt straight, either, though, so you'd probably hear me say things like "I'm basically straight." Or effectively straight, or whatever qualifying word felt right at the time... on the rare occasions my sexuality was even a topic. When people think you're straight, it usually isn't. I've also claimed to be a flaming heterosexual on occasion, but different people take that differently, so that was alright by me.

But I've never been entirely straight without qualifiers, and since I've recently found myself with a bit of a crush on a woman, that part of me will probably be louder again. And I'm not going to be ashamed of loving whomever I love. You can be happy for my happiness, or you can leave.

*****

I'm also polyamorous, and feel like I was born with this inclination, though I officially adopted the label around six years ago. I love [Ptah], and we plan the future together (in case anyone wasn't clear on those things), but I will also date other people (again) when the stars align properly, and they might end up planning the future with me someday, too.

If you don't know anything about polyamory, and are curious, my favorite resource is this one - start with the FAQ page: https://www.morethantwo.com/

Again, I'm not going to be ashamed of loving whomever I love, and you can either be happy for my happiness, or get off my Facebook page.