Monday, November 11, 2013

Not-So-Random Thoughts from Recent Events.

-"Well, my primary relationship is still intact, so I'm good at being poly." is neither an accurate or kind sentiment. 

-Especially if you're ignoring or pretending to be okay with stuff your primary partner is doing to try to hold onto that relationship.

-Getting confirmation from people who clearly don't care about how their actions and circumstances affect their partners, and using that to show one of your side partners that disregarding them is totally okay... is not okay.

-Breaking up with someone, but stringing them along, then using their unhappiness with the situation as an excuse for why you disregard them doesn't actually make you right.  Or a decent person.

-I'm certainly never going to be involved with people who only allow their primary partners to have feelings again.

-In fact, I still think hierarchical relationships are bullshit.  I didn't get into poly to act like a mono person, and I certainly am not aiming to have relationships "in addition to..." so that I can excuse disregarding people's feelings.  I do this to have relationships which are whole unto themselves. 

-I hadn't had a relationship end as a unilateral decision since, like, high school.  Yes, I realize this is weird, but all of my adult relationships ended with either a mutual decision, or finally admitting what had been obvious for a long time. 

-No, I don't think this makes me somehow inferior at relationships, or ending them. 

-It does mean that I am inexperienced in unwanted breakups, though.  I haven't built up callouses to rejection.  And I have a feeling that people who expect that I should, don't really get it either.

-It's cool, though.  I've really come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't want to be with someone who broke up with me for bullshit reasons, anyway.  I never wanted the relationship back, I just wanted some acknowledgement that jerky behavior was jerky behavior.

-I'm not sure I'd want to get involved with someone relatively inexperienced in polyamory again.  It would have to be a convincing situation.

-One of the really fun things about polyamory is that when you decide to break up with a person in a jerky way, you also break your friendships with your former metamours.  So they get do deal with that, in addition to helping their partner deal with their emotional stuff.

-This is one reason it's good to have awesome partners.

-Awesome partners don't give up so easily.

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