Thursday, October 10, 2013

Post 63: An Open Letter to My Future Partners.

     I want you to know that, while I do not prescribe to the "rules and regulations" version of polyamory, there are some basic guidelines I follow.  Both for you, and for me.  I will not tell you how to behave, but I will be free to react to your actions as I see fit.

     I will expect the same from you.

     When we decide to engage in a relationship together, I will do my best to keep you apprised of my life, and particularly changes which will have a direct or indirect effect on you.  I will not wait until some arbitrary amount of time has passed, or a particular level of interaction.  When I decide to be in a relationship, I decide to share my life.

     I will expect the same from you.

     I will work in our relationship for mutual benefit, until there is no mutual benefit left.  I will also not abandon our relationship the moment there is a perception that the mutual benefit has ended.  I will work further to fix issues that are fixable, for as long as it makes sense to do so.

     I will expect the same from you.

     Your happiness will be important to me.  I will aim to do what I can to ensure both your happiness and my own.  Sometimes that will be more difficult than others, and sometimes we will deal with difficult emotional content.  Sometimes it will be difficult to reach a resolution which will ensure happiness.  In such cases, I will make an effort to make the best of things, even if that means temporarily giving up some of my wants.  I will not subsume my own needs for yours, but I will put in a good effort to make things work.

     I will expect the same from you.

     I also value fun.  I value silly things, and I value naked enjoyment of the stuff relationships have to offer.  I will not try to impress you, I will not pretend to be someone I'm not to attract you.

     I will expect the same from you.

     Relationships cannot grow, or be stable, without a certain amount of time spent together.  That time will vary for each relationship, and I will make every effort to figure out what the time needs are for our relationship, and to make sure that time happens.

     I will expect the same from you.

     I will engage in honest communication, and make my best effort to use kind language.  I may not always be as sensitive as I could be, but I will not intend to harm with my words.

     I will expect the same from you. 

     In my opinion, it is not reasonable to tell someone that they must not pursue a new relationship, in theory or reality.  But I will do my best to consider your wants and needs, and whether I can continue to contribute to our relationship before I begin a new one.  I will prefer to ensure that our relationship is in a stable place before I do things that will most likely put strain on it.  I will also do my best to honestly evaluate whether I can pursue a new relationship and still be capable of caring for myself.  I cannot promise that things will not change, but I can promise that I will do my best to ensure that you continue to feel valued.

     I will expect the same from you.

     Regardless of the extent of our interaction, whether we've just met, or have spent months or years together.  Whether we see each other on occasion, or a regular basis.  Whatever the scope of our relationship, I will treat you like a valuable human being.  I will not make you "earn" the right to be treated as one.

     I will expect the same from you.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please keep things polite. Any hateful or rude comments may be deleted.