Saturday, March 24, 2012

Substratum

     Love is a many-splendored thing, or so they say.

     I say that love is a many-layered thing.  There are so many components which make up love, separate things which are mashed together to create one whole object.  Some of those layers are easily visible, others are more hidden from the casual observer.  Some comprise the bedrock on which the rest of our love can exist.  Depending on the particular type of love, and the particular relationship between particular people, those layers can be very different indeed, and comprise formations of varying strength and benefit. 

     To take the equation of love and geology further... If what you want is sandstone, no granite will satisfy, and vice versa.

     I'm generally pretty flexible when it comes to expectations in relationships.  I like giving what is wanted from me, and like receiving what is freely given.  I speak all of the love languages pretty well, I like figuring out what makes one person different from another... and I enjoy what makes us truly unique.  I like finding a hunk of jade in a shale formation.  That said, sometimes, people still surprise me.

     And, holy pants, Horus continues to surprise me. 

     Actually, so does Ptah, with his amazing capacity for acceptance and being happy for other people. 

     Oh, and wait, I continue to surprise myself, as well. 

     I've been in some... interesting... relationships over the years, and I've taken on many roles in those relationships.  I've been a guide, and a healer, and a teacher, and a caretaker, and a therapist, and the lady in charge, and a servant, and an owner, and a pet, and something akin to a parent (but not in a creepy way), and someone who needed to be take care of the same way.  I've never been a part of a named power dynamic before.

     In fact, I always assumed I wouldn't go for that sort of thing.  As it turns out, I just knew the wrong people. 

     Now, I did specify named power dynamic.  I've been in several that were not named.  I'm comfortable with however expressing a relationship works best for the people in it.  For me, that can often change from moment to moment, let alone over the life of said relationship.  For that reason, and several others, the prospect of entering into a named power dynamic was rather nerve-wracking for me.  Okay, it still is a little, but pretty much all of my fears have been proven irrational, so I'm ignoring them for the time being.  You know, that whole "refusing to let fear run my life" thing I'm supposed to be doing.

     Horus identifies as dominant, and is heretofore the only person I've been sure exemplifies the title in a way I can respect (and, relate to in a lot of ways).  That doesn't mean that I don't think there are others out there, it just means that I either haven't met them, or haven't seen them prove themselves worthy of my respect in this particular way.  I, of course, have no identity in this regard, since I live in context.  But the context of this situation, the particulars involved, and the person I'm dealing with all conspire to mean that I found myself comfortable saying that while I wasn't a submissive, I would be his submissive.

     Typing it still gives me a bit of nervousness.  This is not because of anything to do with the present situation, or with Horus, but is entirely due to some people in the past being assholes.  And my own perception that with the title would come a set of expectations which are not and never were there, as well as a lack of flexibility which is also not there.  Basically, it doesn't change anything for me.  I behaved a certain way before, and I behave a certain way still.  There are no changes to how I feel about him or our relationship, but calling Horus my dominant would not be possible if it wasn't for all of the other layers of relationship we have.  At least, *I* would not be comfortable doing so.

     For me, naming a power dynamic is like the sedimentary layer on top of the rest of the relationship.  It's comprised of pieces of the rest of the parts of love, even though it might look uniform and different from the other layers without close inspection.  For him, it might be closer to the bedrock.  Recognizing that difference, while accepting that we didn't necessarily have to view the importance of the titles the same way in order to view the importance of the relationship the same way, was a large part of what helped me get over my irrational fears.  That, and every concern I've had so far has been proven to either be not really a concern, or plain silliness on my part.

     For the most part, I'm happy with my choice. We take care of each other in different ways, we both encourage growth and happiness and health.  We have love and attraction, connections in many forms, and excellent communication (most of the time).  I know that if an issue comes up, it will be solved as well as possible.  We have trust.  Trust in each other, and in our relationship.

     And that, my friends, is a solid piece of ground on which to stand.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please keep things polite. Any hateful or rude comments may be deleted.