Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Yet another position I never thought I'd find myself in...

     If you thought this post was going to be about sexytimes, I'm sorry but that's not the subject at all.

     Now you're thinking about sexytimes, though, aren't you? *cough* Annnnnnyway... here's a blog post all about me.

     For the majority of the time I've thought about the idea of multiple relationships happening concurrently and with full knowledge and consent, I had the idea that I would probably have two guys in my life, and that would be it.  As things have turned out, though, I've discovered that the switch which says "Okay, we're done seeking relationships now." hasn't flipped itself.  In fact, I don't know that it ever will.  I think that a part of this is that I find so many aspects of people interesting and attractive.  It is literally impossible for any one (or two, or probably even five) people to contain *all* of the traits I like in a partner.  Physically, emotionally, intellectually...  And, let's be completely honest, sexually.

     But the other part of it is that I *really* enjoy starting new relationships.  I don't so much like the distracted and frenetic nature of NRE.  It's fun for a bit, but what I really like is discovering a person.  I enjoy getting to know people emotionally and physically.  There are so many fascinating aspects to every one of us, and I love the process of discovery.  I also really enjoy established relationships, though.  I like comfort and security and sharing my life and watching others grow. 

     Clearly there aren't a lot of ways to have both at the same time, so I feel so fortunate to have found my path.

     I've been open for possibilities since soon after Ptah and I felt that our relationship was secure and stable.  I haven't actively been looking for additional relationship opportunities... I find that never really works for me, anyway.  Historically, my pattern has been:
     -I am actively NOT looking for a relationship
     -I meet someone I find attractive
     -That person finds me attractive
     -We immediately start spending all of our time and focus on each other
     -We are in a relationship

     Now, by ethical necessity and my own self-interest, the protocol has to be much different.  I have to be more cautious, so as to not screw things up in the relationships I already have.  Not to mention the relationships the other person involved might have.  By following this path, I've committed to do things as carefully and ethically as I can. 

     And so, I'm going to be doing something I've never done before.  I'm going to test compatibility with another person, always mindful of the things I have to lose as well as the things I have to gain.  I'm going to date.  I don't even like the word.  Except referring to the dried fruit... those are delicious.

     As always, I am constantly monitoring my mental and emotional state.  I'm collecting much data about myself, which I'm sure will come in useful at one point or another.  I'm sure I'll eventually start writing about the results... but then again, maybe not.  I do tend to slack off on writing when I intend to do more of it.

    

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