Friday, December 31, 2010

Health, wealth, and happiness to you and yours in the new year.

     The title comes from a traditional Polish Christmas toast.  I learned of it from the family of a former boyfriend, but I liked it instantly.  The inclusion of happiness makes me smile, as it tends to be so undervalued by society at large.

     2010 was not a very good year to me, my husband, or several other people I know.  Personal issues, relationships, job issues and a poor economy has led to a lot of challenges in my inner circle.  For me, the year involved moving away from a place I liked and a job I loved to live in a room in someone else's house with Thoth and our three cats and not being able to find work.  The business I tried to start over a year ago had to get put on hold, as I have no room to work properly.  The reason we moved was because Thoth was having a hard time finding a job where we lived; he was on unemployment for about a year with the exception of a few temp jobs.  It wasn't that he wasn't trying, it was truly a lack of opportunity.  He was having a difficult time dealing with it emotionally, his unemployment was about to run out, and we didn't know if he would be able to get another extension.  And my job was garnering less hours due to a year of horrible weather; so I left it behind so that we could move 150 miles and he could find work.  Call it a year of compromise and waiting.

     Unfortunately, the person we moved in with first turned out to not be such a good friend; we moved again and found a situation which was more tolerable, but still involved living in a room in someone else's house.  Thoth was able to find long-term temp work in short order, but that recently ended, and we're left not quite knowing what to do again.  Furthermore, it turned out that he *was* approved for his extension, and if we had stayed where we were I could have had enough work to keep us afloat.  Sigh.

     I could regret the move, and in a way I do... but there are a lot of useful experiences we wouldn't have had if we had stayed.  Fantastic people we wouldn't have gotten to know, false friends we wouldn't have seen in their true forms, growth in our relationship, and growth along the poly path even if we aren't all the way there yet.

     Part of trying to live in a more positive state is to see difficulties not as terrible static events, but challenges to overcome.  It's usually through those challenges that we learn the most about ourselves and find the most opportunity for growth.  In a way, people are like those trees that require a forest fire to open the seed pods; without those disasters, our minds won't readily open to new growth and new ideas.  To be honest, I am sometimes absolutely terrible at framing things in a positive manner.  There are times when I am absolutely sure that the worst imaginable scenario will happen, and that I will never realize my dreams and goals.  But when I really think about it, life tends to throw situations at me (and in fact, all of us) which seem horrible at first, but end up not being all that bad at the end.  Often we end up even at worst.  The trick is to frame things in a positive light when we can.  We can't control what outside influences do, but we *can* control our reactions to them.  

     And so, rather than focus on all that, I think a rundown of what I hope to find in the new year is in order.

-I want for Thoth and I to have our own space again.  
-I want to have a sewing room, or at least a decent sized corner to dedicate to sewing, so that I can get serious about my business.
-I want to find part-time work which is rewarding in nature, interesting enough to hold my interest, and steady enough to support me while I grow my business and in the lean times.
-I want to communicate my feelings with more precision and less blame of outside sources.
-I want to feel more secure in my relationship(s) and work to own my actions in such.
-I want to delve into gluten-free baking with the full force of my culinary talents.
-I want to start writing recipes for the food I create and sharing them.
-I want to be more emotionally available for the people I love, and work on telling them that I feel that way.
-I want to remain open to adding additional relationships to my life, and for Thoth to do the same.  
-I want to be able to afford a more natural diet for my cats, and better ensure their health.
-I want to have the ability to do more fun things, and spend less time worrying.

     I'm sure there are plenty of other things I do and will wish for, but I think this is a healthy list of goals to begin with.  I wish everyone else a lovely holiday season and a rewarding and happy year to come.  

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